Okay, here goes...
I haven't posted in several days, so I'll catch everyone (both of you) up quickly, except for the long, drawn out bit at the end.
Aubry and I had to work New Year's Eve. We went to a great tapas place, Bodega, for dinner. It's our favorite place to eat out and we go there for most any celebratory meal. If you ever go, get a Captain's Choice cocktail. Sort of like a mojito without the trendy guilt.
After that, we tried to hit up a bar near the house, but alas... it was closed. What!? I don't know. So, we went back to the house and lounged around looking up meaningful and/or funny songs on YouTube for a couple hours. I was keeping warm with Jack and Coke so by the time the cork was popped on the bubbly, I was feeling pretty good. We decided to go with expensive champagne this year and we learned that although it was not as sweet, it pretty much tastes the same as the cheap stuff. Anyway, I rang in the New Year with emotions that I haven't had in a long time; hope for the upcoming year, love and contentedness. And more important than feeling love is feeling loved. Despite having been in a 6 1/2 year relationship about a year and a half ago, I don't remember feeling those emotions. Perhaps I never did.
Which brings me to what has been bothering me over the last few days. When my ex girlfriend (we'll call her Helga) and I went out separate ways, we only did so in a relationship sense. We had been together for over 6 years and continued to live together. Despite wanting to get away, I really couldn't afford to. Then, come to find out, one of my best friends, James, was interested in her. He came to me and asked me if I had a problem with seeing her and I tried as best I could to warn him away from her. In the end, I think he had been very lonely for quite awhile and had been watching most of his friends enjoy (or not) the company of someone for years.
I put my feelings aside, as I am known to do, and said that I had no right to tell him who he could pursue. I guess in the end the situation really motivated me to make the move to another state which has resulted in my new found happiness.
The reason I bring this up, is because I hear now, although he hasn't told me, that he wants to buy a house with her. But, all the vibes that I get from him with regards to his emotional state, are negative. I don't think he's really happy. I think he's just tired of being alone. Helga has mastered, with the teaching of her mother, making someone feel guilty for not doing whatever she wants done without the person realizing it. It took a year and 500 miles for me to realize this. She makes you believe that you need her and putting up with her shit is worth it. Now she's trying to pull me back into that by giving me a guilt trip about my dog (that I got just after we started living together and still have).
Since this all started, part of me has tried to keep their relationship at arms length while maintaining my friendship with James. But now I feel like I should talk to him and try to dissuade him from making, what I feel, is a huge mistake. Should I? What right do I have butting into someones life? I guess I'm scared of losing one of the only two really close friends that I have. And I can't see myself continuing our friendship with her in the picture but I don't want to tell him that. Maybe I should...
If anyone out there reads this... feel free to lend your advice. I think I could use some help on this one.
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